Nov 2, 2020
Do you know how to ask for what
you want? Negotiating is an art, and my guest today is going to
teach us how to ask the right questions to get what we want most.
Alexandra Carter is the author of Ask For More: 10 Questions to Negotiate
Anything and I
absolutely love the approach she takes to negotiating with yourself
and with others. She shares the language you need to use when
asking questions to get what you want and highlights the importance
of asking for more so that you can pave the way for those who come
Today we discuss —
Negotiations and relationships
- Negotiation is so much more than haggling over
money or demanding that you get your way.
- Negotiations are conversations in which you are
steering your relationships.
- Effective negotiation requires conversations
that teach people how to treat you and how to value
- Generating trust is key to negotiations in
Negotiations and questions
will get much farther in negotiations with a question than with an
of people don’t ask the questions that will get the most out of
- Asking open questions helps to surface needs,
goals, and concerns.
- “Why” questions convey blame, fact-finding, and
backward-looking instead of forward-thinking.
- “What” questions move from blame to diagnosis and
provide more information.
you can move a question from “why” to “what” to make meaningful change.
Negotiating with mirrors
- Mirrors allow us to see ourselves more fully
and more compassionately.
often we shut ourselves down before we give anyone else a chance to
inner jury is always the hardest jury to handle, but it doesn’t
have to be that way.
listening can be the key to figuring out how to negotiate most
yourself — what is the problem I want to solve? What do I need? How
have I handled this successfully in the past?
Negotiating with windows
others — what do you want me to know?
others — what do you need? Or what does that look like? Intangible
requests cannot easily be negotiated but concrete requests
be afraid of a few seconds of silence to help move you
others — what is the first step?
Alex’s book recommendation
The Memo: What Women of Color
Need to Know to Secure a Seat at the Table,
by Minda Harts
Alex’s song recommendation
is “Woman,” by Kesha
Advocate to Win
The Elegant Warrior Playlist on
Free One-Hour Consult
Advocate for Yourself 10-Week
Subscribe to Weekly
Ask For More: 10 Questions to
Negotiate Anything, by
Brought to You By: